Aaahhh, Jeni! Just a few years ago I was back in WV with my cousin who was more like a sister to me all these years. I was getting ready to get into the car with a friend who was taking me to visit some folks in another part of the state. For some reason, I thought of a line from Outlander, when one of the characters says, “How careful we’d be if we knew which goodbyes would be our last.” I walked back around the car and said to my cousin, “I just want you to know that I love you very much,” and gave her another big hug. I spoke to her by phone many times after that, but I never saw her conscious again. How sweet that goodbye seems to me now. I lost a sister and a best friend all at once. Thank you for another reminder not to take anyone for granted. And when are you coming to California, my friend??🥰🌻
This is so very true, Carol. What a blessing that you walked back around the car. I dream of coming back to California. It's extraordinary to me that I haven't been back since 2018! Covid, UK residency travel restrictions, and then family caring commitments seem to have determined my location and movements for me. Strange when I used to plan all of these long-ranging tours. And now a family caregiving commitment means that I'll be spending many months in Nashville. I'll enjoy being in my house and giving it some much-needed TLC and I'm glad I can be a help to my person who needs care.... California and my friends including you there will continue to be in my hopes for future days! Hugs xxx
Tears and a tender heart as I read and listen to this, Jeni -- remembering goodbyes spoken and never spoken. So grateful to be friends with you now, right HERE (wherever HERE may be!), and to know your music is playing in the world. Have a grand time in Nashville. I'm going to go see about a virtual ticket!
Somehow they have all faded away. I know the whys of some and wish they'd had more faith in my acceptance. Others moved away and sporadic texts, calls, emails all slowly vanished with my last ones being unanswered. The "I'm in the middle of something right now, can I call you back?" that never came. Upon retirement, finding that some friends were only friends while you worked with them. Gone and forgotten.
Thank you for sharing this with such thoughtful lyrics. I have come to realise friendships come and help us learn about ourselves and others, then friendships fade. I take comfort in knowing ‘it’s not just me’. Thank you Jeni.
I take comfort in your comment and knowing that you, too, have felt this way. We aren’t as alone as we feel and as we thought. I’m really grateful that you wrote, Cathy. I feel such warmth from your stories and your images. They make me feel a kinship of ideas and feelings with each one you create.
These thoughts on friendship are so relevant, Jeni-I have often wondered why/how I have lost touch with someone, or am still nominally in touch, but no longer close. Sometimes it’s hard to accept that people can be in your life for a finite period of time only, and that doesn’t imply failure or inadequacy on your part. Thank you for putting it in to words and music xx
I’m so glad to know I’m not alone in my feelings and experiences about friendships. You are a lovely friend and it doesn’t matter if I haven’t seen you for a year or more. When I do see you again, I’m always happy. Love to you.
As always, your post is timely and relevant. I’m cleaning up my art studio and found an old box full of letters from 40 years ago, messages from people I don’t even remember and some from friends who just stopped being friends one day. People who sent me cards and letters, saying how much they valued me and loved me, and then sometime in midlife, got slower to respond to my messages, cancelled meetings over and over, didn’t return phone calls until I finally got the hint. Like yourself, I think that when I was young, I was maybe a bit much for some people. Boisterous and excitable. I’m much more settled now. And realize I don’t really need friendships like I used to. I’m not lonely anymore. In fact, I actually crave more solitude than what I get. Friendships like seasons come and go. Some friendships have been rekindled after decades of silence. And some have endured. Some have endured in almost complete silence with yearly phone calls and occasional visits every 2 or 3 years. Yet they do endure, and we pick up right where we left off when we do finally hear from one another.
At the age of 55 I can honestly say that the friendship I value the most is with myself. I’ve come to prefer my company to most others save a few special people. And new friendships have grown and even without a common history they feel solid because they are built around right now and how our lives look at this moment.
I don’t know what to do with all these letters. Some I’ll throw away. Some I might squirrel away in a water proof bag inside a hollow tree near me. A mystery for some future person to find. Some I’ll keep. The ones from my mom for the time when she is gone from this earth and I just need to hear her voice one more time. Some I plan to return to the person who wrote them because I bet they’ve forgotten some of the events they wrote about and it might be fun for them to remember. And some I’ll burn at the next winter solstice and remember what was and let it all go free.
Thanks again for taking the trouble to blog. I always find your words make me feel introspective. And we all need more of that❤️
Thank you, Tina, for your beautiful response to my letter and my song. I feel less lonely about the disappearance of my friends because you took the time to tell me about your own experiences. I often struggle to let go of childhood ideas like being best friends forever. I know people who have been meeting up with certain friends for dinner or a get together once a month for forty years. I’ve moved around too much, been on the road too much, and sloughed off various skins too often to maintain that kind of connection. You help me to realize that there’s no shame in that, just difference. I enjoy my own company, too. You’ve also helped me to realize that perhaps my music and my stories, which have a twenty year history now, sustain my connection with people firmly and also ephemerally. Thank you very much.
Hello Tina-I too have been going through boxes of cards and memories from lots of friends from years ago as well as current long standing ones. I’ve only kept the ones that bring instant happy thoughts-and know that they will be thrown out when I’m gone. Jeni expresses these feelings so well!
Very touching 😍 xoxox
Beautiful song and a beautiful story. ❤️
Hm. Sigh. Yes, to all of that. Pretty song with sad overtones. Thank you, as always for sharing.
Aaahhh, Jeni! Just a few years ago I was back in WV with my cousin who was more like a sister to me all these years. I was getting ready to get into the car with a friend who was taking me to visit some folks in another part of the state. For some reason, I thought of a line from Outlander, when one of the characters says, “How careful we’d be if we knew which goodbyes would be our last.” I walked back around the car and said to my cousin, “I just want you to know that I love you very much,” and gave her another big hug. I spoke to her by phone many times after that, but I never saw her conscious again. How sweet that goodbye seems to me now. I lost a sister and a best friend all at once. Thank you for another reminder not to take anyone for granted. And when are you coming to California, my friend??🥰🌻
This is so very true, Carol. What a blessing that you walked back around the car. I dream of coming back to California. It's extraordinary to me that I haven't been back since 2018! Covid, UK residency travel restrictions, and then family caring commitments seem to have determined my location and movements for me. Strange when I used to plan all of these long-ranging tours. And now a family caregiving commitment means that I'll be spending many months in Nashville. I'll enjoy being in my house and giving it some much-needed TLC and I'm glad I can be a help to my person who needs care.... California and my friends including you there will continue to be in my hopes for future days! Hugs xxx
Tears and a tender heart as I read and listen to this, Jeni -- remembering goodbyes spoken and never spoken. So grateful to be friends with you now, right HERE (wherever HERE may be!), and to know your music is playing in the world. Have a grand time in Nashville. I'm going to go see about a virtual ticket!
I am so glad we are HERE together. Your friendship and your poetry are a wonder to me! Hugs all around and teddy bear hugs, too.
🧸🍯🧸
Somehow they have all faded away. I know the whys of some and wish they'd had more faith in my acceptance. Others moved away and sporadic texts, calls, emails all slowly vanished with my last ones being unanswered. The "I'm in the middle of something right now, can I call you back?" that never came. Upon retirement, finding that some friends were only friends while you worked with them. Gone and forgotten.
Thank you for your thoughts on this, Debra. I’m glad to know that I’m not alone. And I’m glad we can be here in this place of thought together.
Thank you for sharing this with such thoughtful lyrics. I have come to realise friendships come and help us learn about ourselves and others, then friendships fade. I take comfort in knowing ‘it’s not just me’. Thank you Jeni.
I take comfort in your comment and knowing that you, too, have felt this way. We aren’t as alone as we feel and as we thought. I’m really grateful that you wrote, Cathy. I feel such warmth from your stories and your images. They make me feel a kinship of ideas and feelings with each one you create.
These thoughts on friendship are so relevant, Jeni-I have often wondered why/how I have lost touch with someone, or am still nominally in touch, but no longer close. Sometimes it’s hard to accept that people can be in your life for a finite period of time only, and that doesn’t imply failure or inadequacy on your part. Thank you for putting it in to words and music xx
I’m so glad to know I’m not alone in my feelings and experiences about friendships. You are a lovely friend and it doesn’t matter if I haven’t seen you for a year or more. When I do see you again, I’m always happy. Love to you.
As am I, hope it’s not too long before the next time ❤️
As always, your post is timely and relevant. I’m cleaning up my art studio and found an old box full of letters from 40 years ago, messages from people I don’t even remember and some from friends who just stopped being friends one day. People who sent me cards and letters, saying how much they valued me and loved me, and then sometime in midlife, got slower to respond to my messages, cancelled meetings over and over, didn’t return phone calls until I finally got the hint. Like yourself, I think that when I was young, I was maybe a bit much for some people. Boisterous and excitable. I’m much more settled now. And realize I don’t really need friendships like I used to. I’m not lonely anymore. In fact, I actually crave more solitude than what I get. Friendships like seasons come and go. Some friendships have been rekindled after decades of silence. And some have endured. Some have endured in almost complete silence with yearly phone calls and occasional visits every 2 or 3 years. Yet they do endure, and we pick up right where we left off when we do finally hear from one another.
At the age of 55 I can honestly say that the friendship I value the most is with myself. I’ve come to prefer my company to most others save a few special people. And new friendships have grown and even without a common history they feel solid because they are built around right now and how our lives look at this moment.
I don’t know what to do with all these letters. Some I’ll throw away. Some I might squirrel away in a water proof bag inside a hollow tree near me. A mystery for some future person to find. Some I’ll keep. The ones from my mom for the time when she is gone from this earth and I just need to hear her voice one more time. Some I plan to return to the person who wrote them because I bet they’ve forgotten some of the events they wrote about and it might be fun for them to remember. And some I’ll burn at the next winter solstice and remember what was and let it all go free.
Thanks again for taking the trouble to blog. I always find your words make me feel introspective. And we all need more of that❤️
Thank you, Tina, for your beautiful response to my letter and my song. I feel less lonely about the disappearance of my friends because you took the time to tell me about your own experiences. I often struggle to let go of childhood ideas like being best friends forever. I know people who have been meeting up with certain friends for dinner or a get together once a month for forty years. I’ve moved around too much, been on the road too much, and sloughed off various skins too often to maintain that kind of connection. You help me to realize that there’s no shame in that, just difference. I enjoy my own company, too. You’ve also helped me to realize that perhaps my music and my stories, which have a twenty year history now, sustain my connection with people firmly and also ephemerally. Thank you very much.
Hello Tina-I too have been going through boxes of cards and memories from lots of friends from years ago as well as current long standing ones. I’ve only kept the ones that bring instant happy thoughts-and know that they will be thrown out when I’m gone. Jeni expresses these feelings so well!