23 Comments
User's avatar
Eliza Strode's avatar

Dear Jeni, I am so grateful to hear that you were with your MawMaw for her last month on this physical plain. What a gift to her, and to you. Your presence, care, and love were more important than anything. Please know that you are way more than enough. Take good care of yourself as you navigate this time. Lots of love to you.

Expand full comment
Jeni Hankins's avatar

So many hugs from across the miles, my old friend. Thank you for your words of comfort and encouragement.

Expand full comment
Denise Q.'s avatar

Bless you for writing all the thoughts, feelings and experiences of you and your Mawmaw and your entire amazing story about her last days with you. You are an inspiration and a joy. You are a storyteller with pizzazz and gusto, with flair and sparkle, with oomph and aaah. You are my sister from far away, and a sister to all of us. Thank you and many hugs to you and your family.

Expand full comment
Jeni Hankins's avatar

I can’t thank you enough, Denise. I am glad that we are sisters across the miles. I am sending a big hug and so much gratitude for your beautiful note of encouragement. You are the best.

Expand full comment
India Flint's avatar

You did your best, and that’s what counts. And you were THERE. I wasn’t there for either of my parents…work commitments overseas had me away , things I felt I couldn’t cancel because they’d been scheduled for over a year, and cancelling meant I would have let down 12 students in each case, who’d committed to international travel in order to join me somewhere. In both cases I was not expecting them to pass while I was away, but here we are. I have no expectations for anyone to sit with me when my time comes, I just hope I’ll outlive my dogs, because explaining to them will be hard.

Expand full comment
Jeni Hankins's avatar

Thank you SO MUCH for this, India. I really appreciate you writing to me about Mawmaw. I have the weaving you sent to me like a rainbow across my studio. My best hope when I go is that there will be a really festive auction of my things. I love imagining people like me going away from the auction feeling thrilled with all of their goodies. Door prizes, bring your teddy bear prizes, and baked goods for those who want a snack.

Expand full comment
India Flint's avatar

Now that is a brilliant idea. Here in Australia there’s a thing known as a “clearing sale” when anything the former owners don’t want to take with them is auctioned, leaving the farm “clear” for the next owners. A local charity generally provides refreshments for a small consideration.

But, like funerals, the post-passing auction sale would be a lot more fun if the star of the show were still present.

Expand full comment
Carol's avatar

Thanks for sharing these memories, Jeni. I’m sure your Mawmaw was so happy you were there - your presence with her was a wonderful gift you were able to give her. And she will always be with you, too! Sending Appalachian love!

Expand full comment
Sound practice well-being's avatar

Beautiful writing Jeni, welling up here. I have sat with both my parents through their respective deaths and I think we always feel we could have done more, could have been more, but in the end we do the best we can with what we have and are. Much love to you

Expand full comment
Jeni Hankins's avatar

Thank you for your words of comfort. I really appreciate what you’ve said and knowing that you sat with your parents. You are so kind to tell me that you understand.

Expand full comment
Tina Bourgeois's avatar

So sorry for your loss but I’m so happy you have so much love for and from your family to sustain you. May you always feel your Mawmaw’s warmth around you❤️

Your writing is just a beautiful gift. Thank you for sharing❤️

Expand full comment
Jeni Hankins's avatar

I really appreciate your comment and your encouragement. This is so kind of you. Thank you, Tina. xx

Expand full comment
Sarah McQuaid's avatar

Oh Jeni, I knew that you were grieving for your grandmother but I had no idea that you were also dealing with what sounds like a deeply painful situation at the same time. My heart goes out to you. Sending all my love.

Expand full comment
Jeni Hankins's avatar

Thank you very much, Sarah. I really appreciate your note and your kindness. Love to you.

Expand full comment
Sarah McQuaid's avatar

Thank you so much, Jeni. Have sent you an email. xxoo

Expand full comment
Simon Brooks's avatar

Hugs!

Expand full comment
Charlotte Rains Dixon, MFA's avatar

I reckon you made your Mawmaw's last days as happy as possible by being there. And I reckon you made me cry with this beautiful tribute to her. There are so many touching moments in this, and it's all because you made them happen. I bow to you, my friend. Sending you so much love.

Expand full comment
Jeni Hankins's avatar

Thank you for this note, Charlotte. Your words help me. I will always remember how much she loved the card you sent to her. I sent two of your cards to friends this week and loved thinking of you as I wrote in therm. I'm so glad you are my friend. Big love to you, Cameron, Chip, and the whole crew. The dollies and bears are waving all the way from here. Thank you for making my day go easier.

Expand full comment
Charlotte Rains Dixon, MFA's avatar

I hope you know what a light you are to me--and to so many others as well! Hugs from Cameron, Chip, Steve and everyone here!

Expand full comment
Freda BESTON's avatar

Oh Jeni, so much love…overflowing with kindness. Thank you for sharing your stories. Love from Freda 😘

Expand full comment
Jeni Hankins's avatar

Thank you so much, Freda. I'm having some hard days right now, but I know I'll get through to the brighter side. Hugs and love to you from me and Little India Doll.

Expand full comment
Sarah C Swett's avatar

Oh Golly Jeni—what a wondrous tribute to your MawMaw, and to yourself as well. Indeed, though we’ve never officially met I have such huge pride in you for being there with her with your whole heart and self—hearing stories, telling stories, making her comfortable. It’s incredibly hard when a person you love doesn’t get to have the death you wish for them (personal experience here), which makes it feel Ok to say to you (more easily than I can say to me), that you did all you could and more, and your MawMaw knows that. Avery knows it too—and I hope he whispers it into your ear on a regular basis. Sending textile love and comfort across the miles. Your friend, Sarah

Expand full comment
26thAvenuePoet (Elizabeth)'s avatar

"Where's Stanley? ... and bring me that little white bunny rabbit, too." She sure knew her girl, and she sure celebrated all your gifts, the way you're celebrating her self and her life and her love.

The pain and the anger that goes along with the grief, the feeling you could have, should have done more ... Jeni, I've been there, I still go there sometimes, regarding the last days of my eldest sister's life, the care she got and the care she didn't, how I was and wasn't there for her. And you know what? None of that causes them a moment's pain any longer. They're home ... busy and happy in all the ways they always were only more so. In fact, I suspect they've found each other and are sharing stories from the two best chairs on a big old creaky porch, each with their needlework in their lap. (Jan has a cat in her lap, too; I don't know if Mawmaw Shreve would tolerate such foolishness or not.)

So much love to you. And an extra hug to Avery.

Expand full comment